My first swim in 2010. Finally able to start swimming again after 3 years, back to the training days..... back to my world, my world of bball and swimming, somewhere I really belong. Going to make a new start, slowly, just one day at a time. Gonna pick myself up and start from scratch back into my sports world......
Ok, I don't know how to put this but anyway..... I never choose to be where I am today, to be stuck with this sickness, which has taken away so much from my family and I. Taking away what I've built up from my childhood... all my time and effort all gone just in one day......
Yes, I still dream of being a good bball player and swimmer and because of 'it' this dream just crashed 4 years ago. It hurts physically and emotionally, especially when you're at the peak and the next thing you know, you're down in the valley. Day by day, I still wish that 'it' would just go away and I'm back to who I am before but I know it's impossible.
Well by the end of 2009 and beginning 2010, I truly understand what it means to be living a life not of your own. The physical hurt wasn't that bad but it's the emotional part which matters. It's just hard when you've got to cope with life. I still got to live like a normal teenager, school, nagging parents, annoying brother, friends.... But for me I'm stuck with 'it', having to put up a strong front before others. Well I'm sure everyone tries to put up a strong front when they are around other people especially among their friends but even the strongest will have their weak points.You can't put up a strong front forever and even till today I realize how fragile I am. Though I may seem strong in front of others but it's when I'm alone, I know how close I am to giving up in life, all that I've worked for.....
All that's been happening in my life, things I cannot control which have been pushing me at the edge... Makes life frustrating and sometimes I wished I can just give it all up.... but at this point I'll always remember the goodness of God and how He had pull me through. I always thought that you know it's just because of what God had done and yeah I've never really given it much thought about it.... Life still goes on, thinking that I still can manage.....
But when I look back now, I see how I've lived each day when I totally have no control of what had happened before, totally helpless.... I could have given up long time ago but yet I'm still standing here in this world. Then who's in control all these while? It's not that there's an invisible force that can pull your life together..... Only then I realize that I am actually living a life that's not of my own but whose?
Given much thought and there's only one thing left. It's only by the Mercy and GRACE of God that I am still here. I've been to places like India and China and I would consider myself more fortunate than others who have less and yet they still can survive each day..... And I'm still able to fly overseas for holidays and to study despite the medical expenses.... Indeed God really is my Provider and my Strength. Really to understand what it truly mean to surrender wholly to God, living under the Grace of God, a life not of your own but of God's is one's personal experience and it's unexplainable......
I can't really explain more than this but I pray that one day you will truly understand what it really mean to be living a life not of your own but of God's, under His mercy and grace......
For me I''m planning to start my trainings just like before, though it may be slow and painful but taking it one day at a time, believing that it could be done. It's not too late to start...... And life's like that too, things may be slow at the start but we'll be back up on our feet again as long as persevere and don't quit :)
2009 had been a year of happenings and also a closing chapter of another season in life. 2010 is definitely a best year yet to come and a new season. Going to have a new life not only spiritually and also in this world :) Can't wait to see what going to unfold in my life, grasping hold of every opportunities to come ;) This new life with new revelations with God.......
Ok, I don't know how to put this but anyway..... I never choose to be where I am today, to be stuck with this sickness, which has taken away so much from my family and I. Taking away what I've built up from my childhood... all my time and effort all gone just in one day......
Yes, I still dream of being a good bball player and swimmer and because of 'it' this dream just crashed 4 years ago. It hurts physically and emotionally, especially when you're at the peak and the next thing you know, you're down in the valley. Day by day, I still wish that 'it' would just go away and I'm back to who I am before but I know it's impossible.
Well by the end of 2009 and beginning 2010, I truly understand what it means to be living a life not of your own. The physical hurt wasn't that bad but it's the emotional part which matters. It's just hard when you've got to cope with life. I still got to live like a normal teenager, school, nagging parents, annoying brother, friends.... But for me I'm stuck with 'it', having to put up a strong front before others. Well I'm sure everyone tries to put up a strong front when they are around other people especially among their friends but even the strongest will have their weak points.You can't put up a strong front forever and even till today I realize how fragile I am. Though I may seem strong in front of others but it's when I'm alone, I know how close I am to giving up in life, all that I've worked for.....
All that's been happening in my life, things I cannot control which have been pushing me at the edge... Makes life frustrating and sometimes I wished I can just give it all up.... but at this point I'll always remember the goodness of God and how He had pull me through. I always thought that you know it's just because of what God had done and yeah I've never really given it much thought about it.... Life still goes on, thinking that I still can manage.....
But when I look back now, I see how I've lived each day when I totally have no control of what had happened before, totally helpless.... I could have given up long time ago but yet I'm still standing here in this world. Then who's in control all these while? It's not that there's an invisible force that can pull your life together..... Only then I realize that I am actually living a life that's not of my own but whose?
Given much thought and there's only one thing left. It's only by the Mercy and GRACE of God that I am still here. I've been to places like India and China and I would consider myself more fortunate than others who have less and yet they still can survive each day..... And I'm still able to fly overseas for holidays and to study despite the medical expenses.... Indeed God really is my Provider and my Strength. Really to understand what it truly mean to surrender wholly to God, living under the Grace of God, a life not of your own but of God's is one's personal experience and it's unexplainable......
I can't really explain more than this but I pray that one day you will truly understand what it really mean to be living a life not of your own but of God's, under His mercy and grace......
For me I''m planning to start my trainings just like before, though it may be slow and painful but taking it one day at a time, believing that it could be done. It's not too late to start...... And life's like that too, things may be slow at the start but we'll be back up on our feet again as long as persevere and don't quit :)
2009 had been a year of happenings and also a closing chapter of another season in life. 2010 is definitely a best year yet to come and a new season. Going to have a new life not only spiritually and also in this world :) Can't wait to see what going to unfold in my life, grasping hold of every opportunities to come ;) This new life with new revelations with God.......
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